Monday 9 August 2010


Just got whipped...didn't enjoy it this time...

On a brighter note, the store seems to be holding up under the masses - the downside of course has been the thunderous mini-quakes caused by KING-SLAY1 having an extra happy stomp up the office.

I need a holiday...

Monday 5 July 2010

Upcoming Zombo Graphic Novel!

In the ultimate sacrifice to their craft, Both Al Ewing and Henry Flint have given their lives to join the stinking ranks of the undead in preparation for Zombo: Can I Eat You, Please? released October 2010!
All 1st editions of the book will contain a small amount of a weaponised zombie virus in the ink, turning the reader into a drooling corspe within 24 hours of reading the last page.

Friday 25 June 2010



Now...where did I put that other site down...

Wednesday 23 June 2010


Apparently the shop's been redone...I suppose I'd better tell people where to find it!

Please point your browsers to...What?...Tea? Yes I'd love one...

What was I saying....oh, nevermind...

Tuesday 22 June 2010

Robo-K33f's tribute to the Harlem Heroes...

In the year 2050 Aeroball is the game,
Where the team Harlem Heroes put all others to shame,
Those jet-packing players are second to none,
It’s b-ball and kung fu all rolled into one,
Giant’s the captain – that cat’s outta sight,
He’s dunking and scoring from morning to night,
Some punk went and messed with the teams’ hover car,
Now Louis is so light, his brain’s in a jar!
So the team had to go and start up from scratch,
Don’t jive me ‘bout fielding dead men at a match!
The Heroes got Hairy, Zack, Slim and King,
Once up in the air, those guys do their thing!
So watch out the Bulls, the Wolves and the Cats,
‘Cos next to the Heroes you chumps are all wack!

Wednesday 2 June 2010


You know you're one of 2000 AD's lackeys when your copy of Word states that "Zarjaz" isn't a spelling mistake and "Facebook" is...

Tuesday 18 May 2010

Damage Report 1686

Cyber-Matt enjoys sourcing inspirations for this week’s cover, trawling through Amazon for such true-crime classics as Gangs of Britain, Scally: Confessions of a Category C Football Hooligan, Real Hard Cases, Kill Grandma For Me, Blades Business Crew 2, and other such titles that need to be read aloud in a Danny Dyer accent. Robo-K33F, of course, has them all...

Wednesday 12 May 2010

Damage Report 1685

PYE-01’s live-in fembot has been scooted away for the week to mercilessly dish out ‘upgrades’ to some poor office runts elsewhere in the country and as a result his hab-unit is starting to look akin to the feeding chamber of a particularly slobbish Glarvian slime digestor. Also, R1F4’s exhaust has cracked off and the faster he designs, the louder he’s getting...

Damage Report 1684

Bi-annual server madness descends once again, and the IT ‘bots arm themselselves to the teeth for a perilous voyage into the bowels of the 2000 AD Thrill-leviathan to install an OS update, hopefully ironing out some pesistent niggling problems without causing ten more in the process. They pretty much fail. I’ve had to write this twice already, and it’s only 11am...

Damage Report 1683

Icelandic volcanic ash claims its first Nerve Centre victim as Robo-K33F’s much anticipated holiday in Lanzarote is kiboshed. Unsurprisingly, since Eyjafjallajokull’s eruption, suddenly the droids are using clogged servo-motors as an excuse to avoid work. ‘Sorry, Yer Mightiness, but me pipes are crusted up with Scandinavian magma...’

Damage Report 1682

The problem with being a droid, as any newly constructed ‘bot soon discovers, is that memory files are hard to delete. Once something passes by the optical sensors, it gets lodged in the cranial cache forever. So pity the poor minions who foolishly viewed the trailer for The Human Centipede on Youtube, shortly followed by cries of, ‘But WHY?!?’

Wednesday 21 April 2010


Ladies, gentlemen and filthy internet dwelling vermin, I, Pye-01 the fortunate, am so blown away by the latest 2000 AD cover I'm working on that I feel it's only fair to share my excitement with everyone. The Mighty One have given me permission to show you a sneak peak of the totally zarjaz cover art for prog 1683, a good 2-3 weeks before you would normally get to see it. Totally exclusive to the Thrill-Pipe!


Monday 19 April 2010

Damage Report 1681

PYE-01 plans a visit to the Gadget Show exhibition at the NEC tomorrow, and relishes the rare opportunity for a day off galavanting about. The only potential blot on the horizon is that he might get categorised as stock rather than visitor, and get snaffled by some unscrupulous hume inventor intent on furthering (admittedly limited) A.I. research...

Damage Report 1680

Relief sweeps the Nerve Centre when the news breaks that the Large Hadron Collider has been switched on and we haven’t all been sucked up into our own wastepipes. The Mighty One regards the particle experiments with bemusement, reasoning that he’s been firing high-energy Thrilltrons into this reality every week for three decades and no one’s combusted yet...

Damage Report 1679

Cyber-Matt returns following two weeks’ leave on apocalyptic nappy-changing duty for his and Em-bot’s newly constructed droidling E-V (thanks to the reactivated AALN-2 for covering the progs in his absence). While it makes a change not to have fizzy yellow poo squirted at you at regular intervals, The Might One ensures there’ll always be plenty to hit the fan...

Damage Report 1678

File naming confusion this week, as R1f4 assumes “The King’s Bastard” is a piece of comedic file naming from PYE-01 and much amusement ensues. It joins the pantheon of other classically named files on the 2000 AD server, including: “OPERATION MOTHERF***ER” “WON’T DELETE FOR SOME REASON” and the near legendary “f**k knows what this is” ...

Job Description

While meandering in the kitchen, making a drokking strong cup of coffee, the fear inspiring KING-SLAY1 charged over and ordered my immediate cleaning of his empty milk bottle as he was running late for his daily bellowing. Leaving a collection of trembling droids in his wake he shouted something about how I shouldn't worry as my contract had been rewritten to include potwashing - effective immediately - as a way to quantify my existence.

Coffee was nice though...

Wednesday 24 March 2010

What's this quiz all about then?

While duly noting that there is a distinct lack of droids on the results page, should you wish to find out what sort of 2000 AD related personality disorder you might suffer from, you can peruse this web url:!/apps/application.php?id=324780278666

Facebook...what a peculiar name.

Monday 22 March 2010

The Mighty One #2

Tharg oversees construction of the first Earth skyscrapers, and gives workers something to read on their lunchbreak

Tuesday 16 March 2010

Damage Report 1677

All the droids brace for impact as Cyber-Matt starts his Droiternity leave! Pye-01 bears the initial brunt, scurrying around answering e-mails left, right and centre whilst simultaneously pouring 110% Thrill-power all over the six other projects he’s working on. The good news: AALN-2 has been re-constructed to cover the shortfall, and will be in tomorrow!

Damage Report 1676

Damage Report: One of the Nerve Centre droids casually mentions that TV singalong series Glee has become a guilty pleasure, and suddenly the forces of hell, to paraphrase the Chancellor, are unleashed upon him. The ‘bot in question remains unbowed - it’s one of the best high-school comedies since Heathers, he states emphatically, fooling no one...

Wednesday 3 March 2010

Pye-01 says...

A small and sweaty doughnut is better than no doughnut at all.

Tuesday 2 March 2010

Damage Report #1675

PYE-01 excitedly bounds into the Nerve Centre recommending everyone check out, the premier website for transforming your vehicle into a rusted, post-apocalyptic skankbucket that Max Rockatansky would be proud of. Sales of saline solution and wooden roofracks suddenly rocket. Remember, rust isn’t a crime...

Monday 1 March 2010


Kat-Scan attempts to integrate successfully with the droids that work in the call centre for her mobile phone company, and almost blows a gasket trying to exchange simple information with some 48k jargonbot cretin.
She hasn't experienced this kind of ineptitude since the last time she had to deal with HUMANS.

Botting Hell...

Why the petulant Pye and his pedantic paediatric prattle insists on flapping his anti-fop flop about when asked to do a simple task I don't know. That droid had better jump-to with a bi-anual repaint of the droid recreation room as clearly stated in his contract under article 631, sub-section 3, paragraph 4 before I do – otherwise the colour scheme will be a fantastic display of a new colour I like to call viced spare parts!

The Mighty One

Whilst hunting through the Thrill-Vault last week I uncovered a suprizing amount of archive pictures stored in a secret folder that Tharg seems to have forgotten about. Its seems His Verdantness has been influencing the course of human history for longer than we ever knew about... more images to be revealed soon!

Thursday 25 February 2010


New levels of interdepartmental robo-jealousy plague the 2000 AD droids this week as the Rebellionite programming nerds upstairs are given permission from King-Slay 1 to throw a hedonistic oil-fueled 48 hour rave in their office after the news Aliens vs. Predator has reached no.1 in the gaming charts.
The ceiling of the sub-sub basement pounds up and down, spreading dust and detritus all over the monitors, desks and stacks of progs. A grim, menacing silence descends as droid stares glummly at droid all secretly wishing they where invited...

Wednesday 24 February 2010

Damage Report #1674

Cyber-Matt risks earning the wrath of The Mighty One by taking a day out of the office for a rapid domicile reassessment scenario, or painting the living room before the new carpet’s laid. His aching limbs and run-down servo-motors are rewarded with the news that the new sofa now won’t fit through the piggin’ door...

Tuesday 16 February 2010


Pye-01 sacrifices a small office dwelling rodent and does a dance to the great Bulb God, before heading out into the car park to wrestle a headlight bulb into a ridiculously small cavity not built for human-scale hands under the bonnet of his fem-bots hoverKa. The Gods smile down upon him and within 25 minutes the task is complete, albeit with scratches and filth all over his grabbers, an aching back and a mild feeling of futility in the face of unthinking, cheaply made electrical parts... not unlike what he feels after looking at his colleagues.

w3bz says...

Never confuse emotion for professional courtesy...

Monday 15 February 2010

Damage Report #1673

Robo-K33F trundles into the office a day later than usual, needing to catch up on some charging time after the madness of the SFX Weekender. He apparently had to stay up all night getting lubed and draining his backup batteries to dull the creeping horror of his supplied accommodation.

Tuesday 9 February 2010


R1F4 is contemplating on whether to attend Download festival this year... ACDC and Megadeth (the mighty ginger one!) on the same bill. Bring on the HEAVY METAL THUNDER!


By complete accident w3bz discovered a source of self-sustaining fuel not unlike the fleshy ones mythical "Cold Fusion", and realised at once the iconic potential to end the Earthlets self-inflicted suffering. It was just a shame that he'd already fitted it to a new device to burn failed submissions - and it warmed his feet.

Monday 8 February 2010

Monday mornings

Kat-Scan applies to Tharg to get a second scanning arm fitted due to the impending mass of GN work looming over her desk, but is sharply rebuffed and simply fitted with a device to make time go slower, effectively allowing her to work 36 hour days.
In one stroke the Mighty One solves both the scanning problems and drastically reduces the amount of droids applying for upgrades...


It is with some trepidation and continued cynicism that w3bz has awarded 24 hours of “moderately less harassment” for Pye-01's recent Blogish achievements. It required very little input from the current presider over 'all-things-web' and that the layabout-arty-type managed not to drok the intaweb completely.

Damage Report #1672

The droids prepare for the SFX Weekender in sunny Camber Sands, with Robo-K33F loading up the boxes full of books and CHARL•E organising the talent. But will stomachs stay strong enough to make it? Viruses sweeping the country have proved efficient in destabilising circuitry, and then there’s the effects of dodgy fry-ups...

Thursday 28 January 2010

Booting Up

Borag Thungg fleshies!

Much to our collective suprize and horror the other Nerve Centre droids and I learned that management robot King-Slay is both aware of, and amused by our weekly rants in 2000 AD's Damage Report. Had we been aware of this before we might have toned down the references to our hideous mistreatment, lack of oil breaks, heavy cubicle chains and general abuse at the hands of The Mighty One... but I digress.

"Your navel-gazing waffle could be amusing to the writhing pink mass of Squaxx Dek Thargo online," he boomed, "Publish this pithy dross each week in a new Blog, so that Earthlets above the age of 30 can read it without the use of an electron microscope"

Hopefully the physical and mental punishment we receive each day will be slightly allieviated if we could talk about our problems, plus, if we don't he will pass Tharg a magnifying glass and a copy of 2000 AD and get us all sent to Mek-Quake for 're-assignment'.

I have to go now and put together an attractive header for this site, plus the Langley droid is firing his finished artwork about the office angrily as it hasn't been sent to the printers yet and I need to go and pick it all up for him.

Please come back and check this page again soon, I have no wish to be crushed to death by a giant bulldozing psychopath, and hopefully this will be updated regularly!

Splundig Vur Thrigg!

Damage Report

Pye-01 fumbles around, desperately trying to interface his rusty old TGH-1000 plug with the Pan-dimensional interhypermegagigaterranet connection available in Tharg's office.