Tuesday 18 May 2010

Damage Report 1686

Cyber-Matt enjoys sourcing inspirations for this week’s cover, trawling through Amazon for such true-crime classics as Gangs of Britain, Scally: Confessions of a Category C Football Hooligan, Real Hard Cases, Kill Grandma For Me, Blades Business Crew 2, and other such titles that need to be read aloud in a Danny Dyer accent. Robo-K33F, of course, has them all...

Wednesday 12 May 2010

Damage Report 1685

PYE-01’s live-in fembot has been scooted away for the week to mercilessly dish out ‘upgrades’ to some poor office runts elsewhere in the country and as a result his hab-unit is starting to look akin to the feeding chamber of a particularly slobbish Glarvian slime digestor. Also, R1F4’s exhaust has cracked off and the faster he designs, the louder he’s getting...

Damage Report 1684

Bi-annual server madness descends once again, and the IT ‘bots arm themselselves to the teeth for a perilous voyage into the bowels of the 2000 AD Thrill-leviathan to install an OS update, hopefully ironing out some pesistent niggling problems without causing ten more in the process. They pretty much fail. I’ve had to write this twice already, and it’s only 11am...

Damage Report 1683

Icelandic volcanic ash claims its first Nerve Centre victim as Robo-K33F’s much anticipated holiday in Lanzarote is kiboshed. Unsurprisingly, since Eyjafjallajokull’s eruption, suddenly the droids are using clogged servo-motors as an excuse to avoid work. ‘Sorry, Yer Mightiness, but me pipes are crusted up with Scandinavian magma...’

Damage Report 1682

The problem with being a droid, as any newly constructed ‘bot soon discovers, is that memory files are hard to delete. Once something passes by the optical sensors, it gets lodged in the cranial cache forever. So pity the poor minions who foolishly viewed the trailer for The Human Centipede on Youtube, shortly followed by cries of, ‘But WHY?!?’